The clarity that comes with solitude........

I believe I have a calling to become a homeperson. Ask my husband and he'll probably snort, then tell you that's the furthest away from the truth he knows but seriously, of late, I truly love being home. Perhaps it's the luxury of time that I enjoy. Perhaps it's the comfy warmth of my chaise in the living room, or the lounger up in the loft, or that the worn leather couch in the study, or is it the sense of satisfaction when I've spent time making sure every nook and cranny in our abode is spick and span....then again, maybe it's the quiet solitude I get when I'm not in a crowd, when I get to listen to Him (sometimes) and my own thoughts, then ponder, wonder, ponder again.......
I was trying to figure out when this new "I-want-to-just-stay-home-and-be-alone" phase came about and then I realized I've been that way all along. Since I was young, when my school mates would stay back for extracurricular activities (personally, I think they were just hanging around the school gates waiting for the boys from the next-door school to pass by!), I would be more than eager to just head straight home to a warm meal, a favorite book in one hand, cutlery on the other so lunch used to last couple of hours since no one was home yelling at me to hurry up! When I entered college, instead of staying in the campus dorm, we chose to rent an apartment 45 minutes' drive away and even before class ends, I would be dreaming about what to cook, planning in my head the grocery stops to take along the way home.........or was that just because I was hungry?? When I was working 14-16 hour days, I would yearn for the chance to take off early and once in a blue moon when that happens, I would gleefully rush home, change into my lounging sweats, make myself a cup of coffee,  then sit in the front porch and just enjoy the glorious view of the open park and hills before me. And oh, I almost forgot, the beautifully manicured garden that we used to have at our old place was always the carrot at the end of the stick for me to work through lunch everyday so that I could just head home earlier! Strange though, I think we have a much nicer yard now but I don't quite have the same incentive to hang out there as much as I should.
My preference to stay home doesn't necessarily mean I'm anti-social nor socially-awkward. You will believe me if you met me in person! I do have friends and do enjoy hanging out with friends, especially fun-loving, like-minded and caring friends. Part of this self-discovery journey is learning what moves me, what are my likes and dislikes, whose company I enjoy or can't stand but most importantly, getting comfortable with it all - being who I really am - knowing myself - arriving at ME. Sadly, today I came to a conclusion about a friendship that I've been struggling with for the past couple years. Not entirely a shocking revelation, the heart of the matter is really one of disparate personalities and the realization that for sustenance, one must be allowed to always shine over the other. And then in my solitude, I had an epiphany........
Speaking of friends, let me share with you about Friends Who Bake. Remember my good friend Tina? After a couple bakes together, we figured that we must've inundated the Facebook news feed with loads of photos, comments, comment returns, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera  and  decided that it's best to spare our poor non-baker friends those details. So Tina and I started this. It's all about sustaining friendship and creating new ones through the love for baking, all in the "safe", friendly, non-toxic, nurturing environment that we strife to create. Uncertain where this will lead us but we both agree, friendship is of utmost priority, everything else secondary. That's a good start, don't you think?
And just when you're starting to think that this woman is totally idling her day away, here's a pretty elaborate Malaysian delicacy that I made for dinner.

Chicken rendang and Roti Jala. Lots of slow cooking, or what D would call "love" cooking and strangely, this is what my mum would serve during Chinese New Year open-house for her friends. Nice, non-narcissistic, good-company type of friends. So this should count towards the CNY series, right?!
Thanks to God and my homebody habits, I'm one more step closer to finding that calling in life. Those of you who are in transition and still searching for the answer to that all-too-familiar question: "what do I want to do when I grow up?" (I'm not the only one out there, am I??) -  have hope! Press on!